


Wind Through an Empty Town

by hummingbirdbandit



Series: Stone's Throw Away From A Glass House [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Depression, Earth C (Homestuck), Established Relationship, F/M, Post-Canon, avoiding problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 02:03:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15450960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hummingbirdbandit/pseuds/hummingbirdbandit
Summary: John smiled.  He went to gatherings, and toasted to each new achievement.  He politely shook Mr. Crocker’s hand when he visited for Jane’s dinner parties, and most importantly he stayed positive.  He was their leader, right? He had to be strong for them. He had to.





	Wind Through an Empty Town

**Author's Note:**

> Jammed in the Trollian Jam Central discord server. 
> 
> The third piece to Stone's Throw Away From A Glass House. Pieces in this series are non-sequential. 
> 
> Writing John is one of the more difficult things I've done in my life.

John Egbert couldn’t remember how old he was anymore.  This didn’t bother him, or rather, it didn’t bother him for the reasons one would expect.  He knew it couldn’t be more than fifty or so, and with his body stuck in a perpetual state of his ideal, he didn’t look more than twenty.  Rose, she had gone on to a respectable thirty-five or so. Jake liked the salt-and-pepper of the mid-forties. But John… never felt an affinity for anything.  He was stuck in this space of scruffy beard and tiny waist and eternally high metabolism. And he didn’t mind, really.

Except that forgetting his age meant forgetting other things as well.  One thing in particular.

John knew he could ask Dave for help.  He could recite John’s age to the nearest second, could draw him a calendar of every important event since the session’s end.  And John wasn’t stubborn, he _wasn’t._  He was just… determined to figure it out on his own.  He had all the time in the world, after all, and with his friends busy living their lives across the cosmos, he didn’t have to worry about someone dropping in unannounced and halting his detective work.  That was for the best.

* * *

It was a bright day.  John knew this because the sun oh-so-graciously woke him with a sunbeam to the face at the bright hour of five-thirty.  He groaned and rolled over, determined to get back to bed, but his phone had other ideas. _I really should turn this damn thing off,_ he thought to himself as he looked down at the buzzing piece of machinery.

 

\--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB]--

TG: john r u comin today???   
TG: dont tell me u FROGOT

TG: *forgot   


John groaned at his phone.  Right. The date. The get-together.  The picnic. The thing they’d been planning for a month.  

  
  
EB: of course i didn’t forget!   
EB: why would i forget, we’ve only been planning this for ages!   
EB: jeeeeeez.   
TG: omgod john u totes forgot   
TG: get your windy butt up to this dam park b4 i make rosie and kanaya come get u   
TG: they DO NOT want to get invlolved w our dates   
TG: *involvoed   
TG: *fuck it   
EB: im on my way, okay!   
EB: let me just get my things together   
TG: <33333   
TG: c u soon!!!!!!!!!   
\--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]--

 

John sighed and rolled out of bed, trying his best to ignore the utter trainwreck of his bedroom.  It had been awhile since he last cleaned, but he was getting to it! One of these days. He just… had better things to do.  Like his date with Roxy, that he _had not_ forgotten about.  He stood before his wardrobe for a long moment, frowning at the stubble on his chin and the crease between his eyebrows.  What could he even wear to a date like this? What was even appropriate? Settling on a nice jacket and jeans, he slipped through the equally filthy living room and out the door, not bothering to lock it behind him.

Roxy was waiting for him, looking like a queen on a diplomatic mission to force him into socialization.  She frowned at his stubble but kissed him anyway, a peck to each cheek, before plopping down on the picnic blanket and resting her chin on her hand.  “No one has seen you in days, breezy boi, where you been?” A sandwich poofed into existence, and she handed it to John. He took an extreme interest in the color of the crust and pretended not to hear.  
  
“I’m sorry I was late, I just… lose track of time, sometimes.  Immortality is hard for my brain to wrap around.” He takes a bite.  Peanut butter and jelly. John smiles despite himself; the nice thing about being a god was that you become notoriously hard to kill.  He should have known Roxy would bring him a treat.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.  You stopped celebrating your birthdays.  What gives? Don’t like the gifts anymore?  Don’t like giving us all an excuse to spoil you?  You know, I have it on good authority that Rose has a backlog of like… a thousand outfits she wants to give you as birthday presents, but you always disappear to fuckoff mountain on the big day, and no one ever sees you.  Not even me! Not that I wanna monopolize your time, you’re an important and popular dude, I just feel like being all alone on your b-day every year has to get boring.”

John’s heart sank.  “That’s not it. It just seems silly, you know?  To celebrate our mortality when we’re not mortal anymore?  I like going to your parties but I don’t need one focused on me every year.  It’s a lot of energy better spent on other things, like… I dunno. Reviving Karkat’s lineage?  Solving the human/troll relations barrier? Playing tic-tac-toe on a napkin in a diner somewhere?  I’m sure there are a million uses of your time better than celebrating me on a day that doesn’t matter.”  

Roxy looked shocked, and a little hurt.  “John, do you remember what today is?”

* * *

The first year on Earth C was incredible.  It was filled with all of the vibrance John had looked forward to with his new friends and family, and the constant construction and planning kept them too busy to think back on the horrors they had survived in the final few hours of Sburb.  Repopulation was so challenging that they rarely had a spare hour, and finding food to sustain the growing populace became their number one priority. Approximately six months after the opening of the door (six months, twelve days, four hours and thirteen minutes, if one were to ask Dave), there was finally a lull in the constant grind.  

John hated it.  He hated the silence, hated the empty cavern of his home, hated the closed door of his father’s office and the “Happy birthday, John!” sign his friends flew over his house - a reminder of their devotion to him.  He wanted to be happy, he _needed_ to be happy.  He had no right to bring his friends down.  Even through the pain and destruction of the game, even through all they lost along the way, they gained so much.  Dave was finally happy, loved, and safe. Rose was sober and proud of it. Jade was too excited leaping from planet to planet to ever find a dull moment.  What right did he have to be upset with his situation when those he loved were finally happy?

So John smiled.  He went to gatherings, and toasted to each new achievement.  He politely shook Mr. Crocker’s hand when he visited for Jane’s dinner parties, and most importantly he stayed positive.  He was their leader, right? He had to be strong for them. He had to.

* * *

John blinked at Roxy.  "Do I know what today is?  Tuesday, right? Our anniversary is on a Friday this year, I didn't forget!"  Roxy sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Our anniversary was on a Friday last year.  But that's not it. It's April, John. The big day.  Your birthday! I figured you had forgotten since you hadn't started making big ol' excuses to why you couldn't spend time with us yet, so I set this up for you.  Just the two of us." John's blood ran cold.

"I have to go."  He leapt into the air, and Roxy caught him by the ankle before he could vanish into the breeze.  He still could, and she knew that. John knew that she knew that. But somehow, her hand on him grounded him, and he landed back on the grass with a huff.  Roxy stared him down, her eyes gentle but determined.

"You're not going anywhere, bub.  Not til you tell me what the hell you're up to every year when we're all sitting here missing you.  You've been absent, and I don't just mean your meatsuit. What gives? What are you running from?"

* * *

John shifted on the balls of his feet as he stood before Jane's door.  Jane had been a little hurt, John could tell, by his subtle avoidance of her home.  He was too busy for dinners, too sick of cake for parties. Any reason he could think of to stay far away from the Crocker residence was long exhausted, and John was tired of hurting her.  He raised his fist to knock.

Jane was all smiles and hectic, motherly energy as she invited him inside, and John smiled and returned her hug with all the force of an enthusiastic twenty year old.  She whisked him into the kitchen, babbling on endlessly about her work and the development of New Can Town, and the restaurant Dirk was helping her design. John nodded patiently, and ooh-ed and ahh-ed in all the right places.  Had Jane been paying closer attention, she would have noticed the way his eyes darted around the house, searching for the other resident of the Crocker household.

He slipped into the kitchen unannounced, and placed a hand on Jane's head, smiling at her.  John shook his hand, thanked him for the baked goods he had delivered. _Sorry I was gone, you know how busy it can get, all the carapacians need your attention all the time, hehe!_  It was a satisfactory response, it seemed.  The man left.

John left soon after.

* * *

"Nothing, Roxy!" John insisted, smiling at her indulgently.  "Everything is fine, I am just not a big fan of parties. I had a pretty shitty one on the ship with Davesprite and Jade, and it kinda bummed me out.  Having a bunch of people there just for me just seems silly, you know? But I have somewhere to be, I forgot, I promised the Mayor-"

"John, cut the bullshit.  I know you didn't talk to the Mayor.  You didn't talk to him because you don't talk to anyone.  Not even me! Not even Terezi! She's worried about you, too.  She knows something is wrong, and if she knows, then I trust her judgement."  Roxy stared John down, eyes wet with unshed tears. "We just want to know that you're okay.  I'm tired of watching you break yourself apart because of... whatever this is. And Terezi is pissed.  She keeps talking about coming back and beating the sense into you, and as much as I'd like to have her back, a fifty-three year trip is a long ways for her to turn around now!"

John swallowed.  "Fifty-three?"

"Yes, John, fifty-three.  What does it matter? What is going on?"

John shook his head.  "Nothing, Roxy. I need to go."  He hugged her solemnly and vanished, lost on a gust of wind.

* * *

The day Terezi left, John was distraught.  Not that anyone would know - his chipper demeanor and witty banter continued well into the night, and when their party ended and Terezi flew off into the Furthest Ring, he laughed and told everyone she would be fine, and there was no reason to worry.

That night, he cried himself to sleep.

* * *

John tried to ignore his phone as he whisked across the surface of Earth C, but the insistent buzzing drove him mad.  When he was far enough away to be certain Roxy was not following him, John settled into the branches of an ancient oak tree and pulled it from his pocket, scowling at the screen.  His heart sank.

 

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] started trolling ectoBiologist [EB]--

GC: YOU R34LLY 4R3 4 MORON 4R3N'T YOU, 3GB3RT?

GC: TH3 WHOL3 PO1NT OF 4 M4T3SPR1T 1S TO H4V3 SOM3ON3 YOU TRUST 4ND C4N T4LK TO

GC: 1T'S PR3TTY S4D TH4T SH3 H4D TO COM3 TO M3 FOR H3LP

GC: 1'M NOT YOUR FR1GG1NG MO1R41L, JOHN

EB: not now, terezi jeeeeeeez.

EB: dont you have anything better to do than bother me on my birthday???

EB: i thought you were busy trying to find your not-girlfriend?

GC: 1 *W4S* UNT1L YOUR BUBBL3GUM FL4VOR3D L4DYFR13ND GOT 4LL UP 1N MY F4C3

GC: ...

GC: YOU COULD JUST T3LL H3R YOU KNOW

 

Weary anger crept over John like a cat in the night, and his fingers flew as he composed, erased, and rewrote his response.  Not today. He was _not_ dealing with this _today._  Didn't she know better than to push this now?  Hadn't he made it clear that this day, of all days, he couldn't handle the bickering and the fake-hate, or romance-hate, or whatever the fuck it was?

 

EB: no i cannot "just tell her" terezi!!!

EB: i cant tell anyone and that is just the way things are going to be!

EB: i already missed last year and i did not even realize it until now so i have a lot to make up for, and if i tell her she will drag me away to make rose look into my brain and tell me all of the things i already know about myself!

EB: just

EB: leave me alone.

GC: NO 1 W1LL NOT JUST L34V3 YOU 4LON3

GC: 1 H4VE TRI3D L34V1NG YOU 4LON3 JOHN, 4ND CL34RLY TH4T 1S NOT WORK1NG

GC: SO H3R3 1 4M B31NG DON3 W4TCH1NG YOU D3STROY YOURS3LF B3C4US3 YOU W1LL NOT 4SK YOUR FR13NDS FOR H3LP

GC: FOR SOM3ON3 WHO 1NS1STS TH3Y 4R3 D4V3'S B3ST FR13ND, YOU SUR3 DO SP3ND V3RY L1TTL3 T1M3 TALK1NG TO H1M

GC: H3 COMPL41NS 4BOUT 1T 4LL TH3 T1M3

GC: YOU S1MPLY C4NNOT 1MAGIN3 THE B1TCH1NG 4ND MO4N1NG!

GC: 1F YOU W1LL NOT T4LK TO H1M ON YOUR OWN, 1 W1LL M4KE YOU T4LK TO H1M

GC: 1T 1S MY JOB 4S YOUR K1SM3S1S TO PUSH YOU TO B3 B3TT3R JOHN, 4ND YOU 4R3 4CT1NG L1K3 4 SC4R3D L1TTL3 W1GGL3R

GC: 1T 1S D1SGUST1NG

GC: 1 W1LL G1V3 YOU TOD4Y 4ND TH3N 31TH3R YOU W1LL T3LL TH3M OR 1 W1LL

 

Tears poured down John's face, and it took everything he had to keep from throwing his phone into the wilderness.  He didn't want this! He didn't want them to know! They were happy, they were safe, and bringing his issues into their lives would only ruin things for everyone.  Dave was married, Rose and Kanaya had just adopted a baby! The thought of them spending their energy, their precious lives, on him was just... too much.

But them finding out from Terezi would be infinitely worse.

 

EB: fine.

EB: i will tell them.

EB: are you happy now?

GC: V3RY, Y3S  >:]

GC: NOW GO DO YOUR TH1NG

GC: T4K3 SOM3 D33P BR34THS

GC: 4ND STOP B31NG SUCH 4 W1GGL3R

GC: YOUR FR13NDS C4R3 4BOUT YOU

GC: 1 C4R3 4BOUT YOU, 3V3N 1F YOU WH1N3 TOO MUCH 4ND SM3LL W31RD

GC: ...

GC: H4PPY B1RTHD4Y, JOHN

GC: T3LL H1M H3LLO FOR M3

EB: ...

EB: i will.

EB: goodbye, terezi.

\--ectoBiologist [EB] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]--

* * *

"Do you ever think about them?"  Rose asked, looking down into her glass.  The sunset cast shimmering reds and yellows onto the surface of the lake as John stared out over it, trying to avoid the pain in her eyes.  He didn't want to ask. He knew who she meant.

"Who?"

Rose sighed.  "Mother. And your father.  Do you think they're out there?  Do you think Terezi will find them in her travels?"  She looked up at him, her face composed and weary. "It is one of the blind spots in my knowledge.  I no longer have the Horrorterrors to supplement my information. It's all conjecture, at this point."

John was queasy.  He didn't like this conversation.  "I don't know! Maybe. Anything is possible, right?  I mean, we're immortal gods who created a whole universe!  There's a chance they're out there together, having dinner and being all gross and romantic and stuff right now.  Maybe they're watching the sunset, too."

Rose's eyebrow twitched as she stared into him, through him, like she could see the thoughts behind his words.  "Maybe so." She broke the eye contact to turn her gaze out over the water and into the pink sky. "For their sake, I hope so."

* * *

John let the wind carry him to his destination.  It always did know where he wanted to go in a way that he was not about to question.  He was done questioning things. Done asking if his every choice was even a choice, if their success even mattered when they had a reality-devouring monster to eventually face down and kill, or die trying.  Done wondering if he couldn't bring them all back, with enough time spent mastering his powers that he shouldn't even have, and if the risk of losing it all was worth the reward of having everyone safe and sound.  He didn't want to know anymore. He didn't want to fear anymore. He was tired of the weight of that final responsibility tied like an anchor around his neck, even as the breeze held him aloft.

John was tired of dreaming of the dead.

The graveyard was achingly small.  John knew that there were no bodies here, not yet - Earth C was safe, and no one had yet reached an age that would necessitate a resting place.  Regardless, seven gravestones stood in a neat little line, white and shining in the morning sun. The names etched across them made John's heart ache with loss, and he read them aloud as he walked along.

"Tavros... I never got to know you, really, but talking to your sprite on the lily pad sure was nice!  Eridan, Feferi, Equius, I heard you were all really cool, in your own ways, and I hope that you're having fun out in the dream bubbles somewhere.  Nepeta, you're kind of mixed with one of my best friends, and he's a cool cat too, so I'm sure your adventure is gonna be a good one. Miss Lalonde, Rose really misses you.  She pretends she doesn't, but I can see it in her eyes when she thinks no one is looking at her. I hope you're safe."

John reached the end of the line, and his heart sank into his gut.  "Hi, dad."

The grass was soft beneath him as John laid out a blanket, and pulled a picnic from within his sylladex.  It wasn't good food, but it was something. An offering, to a man long gone. Packs of gushers. A slice of cake.  A sandwich that he snatched from Roxy's basket when he disappeared. He set the food before the gravestone and sighed, tears pricking at his eyes.

"I didn't mean to forget last year.  Time has gotten so... hard to hold onto.  Dave would laugh at me if he heard me say that, hehe.  He thinks it's easy, but I didn't even know how old I was until Roxy told me!  I'm older than you were when... Well. The last time I saw you." Unbidden, the tears fell.  "Things are really crazy here. Terezi is still gone, off looking for her girlfriend. Rose and Kanaya had a baby last month, a little troll named Intiya.  She's the most precious thing, you should just see her."

"Dave is worried about Karkat.  He's starting to show grey hair, and Dave pretends everything is fine but I can tell he hasn't been sleeping anymore.  We don't... know yet. If coming through the door would make you immortal. We won't know for a few years, yet, and Dave is tearing himself apart, trying to find out.  I guess I would be, too, if I were in his shoes."

"Other than that, everyone is... everyone is doing great.  They're happy, and thriving. New Can Town keeps growing, and it's only a matter of time before we have to start a new major city!  It's exciting. And I've... I've been practicing. I never stopped."

John stepped away from the gravestone, reaching into his sylladex for his piano and resting it gently onto the flat ground.  "Jade keeps telling me if I didn’t carry this thing around it wouldn't have to be tuned so often, but I like having it, y'know?" he said conversationally, settling onto the bench.  "It's been awhile since I've written anything, Dad, but I..." John started to choke up, and took a shuddering breath. "I hope you like it."

He [played](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8LjyyZu2SA).  The music wrapped around the hills, drowning out the silence in his mind and the aching in his heart.  Fingers danced along the keys in a waltz of sorrow and exhilaration as John told his father everything that he could not find the words to say.  He wept, and played until he was through, and still he cried. Time passed, but for the timeless, what is a moment spent?

John composed himself, and stared down at his hands, still resting on the keys.  "I... don't know how long it will be before I come back, Dad. Roxy is... not going to be happy with me.  I've been neglecting them. All of them. Pretending that if I ignored everything long enough, it would go away.  But it doesn't go away, just like pretending you aren't dead doesn't bring you back to me." Something inside John cracked in two, and though painful, he felt... lighter, somehow.  "I'm going to talk to them about all this and I don't know how long I will be gone. I won't forget you. I'll never forget you. I hope that I can make a life you would have been proud of."

John rose from his seat, collecting the piano and the food, leaving the slice of cake behind.  He smiled down at his father's grave through tear-filled eyes and laughed. "It's my birthday today, Dad.  I should celebrate."

Walking away was difficult, painfully so, but each step was a little easier.  When he could no longer see the graveyard behind him, John pulled out his phone with shaking hands.

 

\--ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]--

EB: hey roxy?

EB: i need to... tell you something.

 

**Author's Note:**

> The song John plays is "A Sign of Things to Come" by Keith Merrill.


End file.
